The Realization

That morning too we didn't speak...He banged the door and left. No hugs No kisses..He left without even looking at me once.

She is crying since morning he did't look at her too.Has he ever wondered where he is he lacking? 

I prayed for his safe journey. I said to myself.. I'am used to this.I cannot fall weak. I'm strong..Strong enough to take care of my child alone.

She needs a father, everyone said.. I will manage. I will manage. Is raising a child is so tough? 

I don't think so  I will bring her up on my own I fought back.

I had been through a lot since past years.It's time to bid adieu to this house..the neighbors the...city.. to him? No. 

I am not telling him anything.I won't miss him. Cause I don't want a life with him. He is abusive. He couldn't be a good husband atleast he could have been a good father. I sighed!

I had a lot of things to pack before I leave. When I opened my wardrobe I found a shirt which he gifted me on my birthday. 

I recalled those days when he would spend hours admiring me. He said, he loves it when I wear a shirt.. 

He loved my long hair the most but still he would get irritated when the strands of my hair falls on his face. He loved me like nobody ever loved anybody..He was the best thing happened to me ... 

Memories can be so hurting I never knew THOSE STRANDS WOULD NEVER FALL ON HIS FACE ANYMORE. I have cut my hair short. 

 I folded all my clothes except that shirt.I don't want to take anything which he gave me. Not just the shirt but I left every single thing unpacked which would remind me of him... the hair brush...my favorite footwear...the lip-gloss he chose for me...I want nothing of these. Not even the picture frame hanging on the wall which we called as our symbol of love. 

This is our honeymoon picture.I was expecting after we came back from our honeymoon.

We are so fast we tell this and laugh at each other. We were the happiest ones on the entire planet.

This is so tight. Pregnancy gives all mothers an unavoidable gift that is fatigue. This ring is stuck into my finger.Yes. 

It is the wedding ring.He was blushing so was I when we exchange the rings. 

This happens with everyone right? I guess so. But, It was way too special for us.His sparkling eyes.. the way they looked into mine I wished for nothing more that day. I just wanted to drown into his eyes. His touch still skips my heart beat.The waves of my thoughts had to stop because the cab arrived. somewhere down the line..    

I wished this ride to get cancelled. I never hated a horn sound to this deep before. That's the cab driver giving me signal to come out.I told the driver to wait for 5 minutes. I wished he was here to stop me from going. But, then i remembered I wanted him not to stop me that's the reason I am leaving without his knowledge.

Will he be sad? will he call us back? Will he cry? He won't. I realized and cried. No tears but my heart is broken into bits

The thought of leaving is breaking me inside out. This is not going to be easy. Why? I don't know. I am done packing.I am still wondering why did I ask him to wait?  My girl is sleeping. She looks so adorable.The best gift God has given to me. Is it not to  ruin her sleep I asked the driver to wait? But, How are those 5 minutes going to help me?

Hey! what am I doing.?That's enough of wasting time. I should just leave now. But, why is it so difficult? Did I miss something to pack? Done with the checklist. Everything is perfectly packed. I am not taking any of his belongings.Nothing which he gave me.

Then came the thought...What about our child?

My heart skipped a beat.All the thoughts rushed into my mind. I realized, she is the one I am taking along with me without even letting him know. 

She is NOT JUST MINE or JUST HIS CHILD.She is our child.  She is the one who has kept us connected and she will be the one for whom we could give each other one more chance.Maybe, The last chance? A child needs a mother but she definitely need a father too.

I cannot be so heartless.I cannot do this to them. I cannot separate a father from his child. I cannot run away like a coward. I got to fight back for the good or bad I need to stay. I should open up to him and try to clear the differences. May that be for the final time. 

Meanwhile I am penalized for cancelling the ride. What if life had given me a penalty ? I perhaps safe out that.

 .

I am not going. At-least not without his knowledge.No matter what I will give a chance to myself. 

I want to put my heart out to him. I will do it today. I will take the initiative. Because, nothing is more important than my child who is my lifeline.